a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
