Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
