is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
