I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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