I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
