It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
