I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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