dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
