Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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