im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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