The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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