hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm really into asian looking animals
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
