you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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