I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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