are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
