hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm gonna fight the coyote
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
