Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
