I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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