She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
