this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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