I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
