You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
