We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why is your signature on my underwear?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
