I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
