Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
