am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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