Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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