Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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