right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
