i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
