The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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