pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
