This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
