so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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