As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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