Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
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The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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