this beer tastes like vomit already
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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