first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
