I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
