I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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