So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
