If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
