I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
