the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
