I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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