So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
