We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
