Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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