We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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