you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
