you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
