nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
