I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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