I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am puke
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
