hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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