he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
