well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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