I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
