when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
