that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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