Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
