Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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