About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
