I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
