So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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