If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
as a side note pls kill me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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