Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
