she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
