who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
