Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
