i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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